Sometimes you gotta switch lenses

Hi!!! Yes, I'm back after my very awesome trip to Manizales - I had an amazing time and I just have to say that if you haven't been there during the Feria, you definitely have to go!

So today I learned a great lesson about stepping back and reassessing situations from a different POV. If you had seen me this afternoon you would have said "Okay, I think I need to run for cover" because I was HEATEDDDDDDD. Like, I can't explain the level of mad I was. And all for such a stupid thing...Let me set it up for you:

My mother made the innocent mistake of throwing out my favorite pair of sneakers because they were dirty. Now when I say dirty, I mean FILTHY - but that's because I went paintballing in them on Monday and they were covered in mud. The thing is, those were my capoeira shoes. I went to Brasil in August 2010 which was a big deal for me because it was the first vacation I ever took that I completely paid for myself. I worked and saved for months to take that trip, and the only thing I brought back from Brasil for myself were those sneakers, so I could play capoeira. So they have a lot of sentimental value. Like, A LOT.

And that was precisely what my mother threw into the garbage, without asking me or telling me she did so.  My automatic reaction was this feeling of impotent rage at not being able to recover them, and I felt like I was slapped in the face. You see, I processed it as the following...[My mother could care less about my things, and now that I'm mad she laughs and says to not take it so seriously??? She doesn't give a rat's behind how I feel or what I think!!!]...so my interpretation was pretty much "My mom is the devil incarnate". LoL I'm ashamed to say it now, but it was a little kid's reaction.

I definitely had to take a breather and calm myself down after I realized what had happened because I felt so provoked and upset. But we are grown ups now, right? So we use our words and our inside voices :P

The point is, later in the day I had to go visit my mother's father in the hospital and he got emotional talking to me, telling me that the only thing I had in life was my mother and father and I should never endeavor to be too far from their sides. Afterward I went for a late lunch with my mom and her brother, Lucho, and we started talking about their childhood. It was rough because my mother's mother died during childbirth, and Lucho's mother married my grandfather years after that. The result was that my grandfather was left a widower with 5 children, and not knowing what to do, was very harsh with them and ended up splitting them up into different homes while he got himself back up on his feet. End result, some of his children resent him so much for sending them away that they don't talk to him, or just barely.

Now, connecting that back to my shoe drama. In a moment of anger, I make my mother the devil, I blame her for my pain, and I interpret her actions as malicious. The same way my uncles may have looked at my grandfather when they were young. If I choose to hold onto my interpretation, what do I gain? Maybe I get to make my mom wrong about something, maybe I can be her victim (and let's be honest, it's more beneficial to be the victim sometimes) and get pity and make other people call her wrong too. I get to be right! But...So what? I get to be right, but I don't talk to her? What kind of relationship do we have? You give something up when you make people wrong, you give up love, understanding and communication. Is that really worth it?



I know the situation is not at all the same, but I don't want to end up like my uncles who don't speak with my grandfather because of something he did out of pure desperation 45 years ago. That is far too long to hold on to something. Therefore, I choose to interpret things with a new lens today. If my mom threw away my dirty shoes, well dammit, who wants their kid walking around looking like a dump? She probably thought I wouldn't wear them anymore anyway. She only had good intentions. Plus, she didn't even know the whole Brasil/Capoeira connection, so who can blame her for that?

Today I encourage you to switch your lens. Try to see things from a better point of view. Honestly, what do we get from being offended and angry with somebody - especially somebody we love dearly? Personally, I don't think being right, or making someone wrong, is worth the head or heart ache.
So add that to the little things that save your life, maybe with just the right adjustment you can begin to see that there is hope for a better future, whether it be with a phone call, a replaced pair of shoes, or a simple knock at the door.

Every relationship is a journey we take, and every journey starts with a single step. So let's start on the right foot, shall we?