As I sit here holding ice to my face and hoping that the swelling in my jaw goes down drastically by midnight tonight, I can't help but think about the year 2010 and what other changes (minus two less teeth) it brought to me.
To be frank, and not Laura (lol Sami lame joke but yes, I'm stealing it), 2010 was the year that brought me back to life. Since the tender age of 15 I was caught up in a whirlwind of ridiculous hard-headed ignorance and determination, thinking that I had all the answers and not allowing anyone else to tell me otherwise. Now, that's not so weird since, you know, I was a teenager and all...and teenagers are in essence people who act like babies if they aren't treated like adults. But I defer. The point is, I stunted my own growth, I didn't flourish how I should have, and basically I was stuck.
In 2010 I made the most drastic decision I probably ever had on my own. Put clearly, I am not the kind of person that can picture themselves really far in the future. What will I be doing in 6 months? 2 Years? 5 Years? HMMMM?! I have no idea. So on December 31st, 2009 I made the decision that I was leaving. I was quitting my job, I was leaving behind my pets, my debts, my friends and my heart ache. I was skipping out of town and running off to Colombia. Colombia, a logical step because my family is from there, but still an alien place to me because I'd never spent more than a month there visiting. But dangit I was going!
2010 was the year that Colombia opened me wide.
I got here (I'm still here) and from day one I had to work it out like a soldier. I found myself two jobs, I started capoeira, I made a million friends, I went out, I paid my way. I moved. I moved again until I was finally living on my own. I saved up all the money and paid my own way to Brasil for 20 days. I learned how to move around a strange city, not having my own car. In a city where the constant fear is that someone will rob you, I walked the streets at night - alone - I caught the crowded bus - alone - I got lost and found my way - alone. I ate strange food, got sick, and then got better. I have an iron stomach now and have fallen in love with a thousand kinds of soup. I've camped out, hours from the city, next to a river, in torrential rains. I've caught intermunicipal buses out of the city to join people on trips and found my way by myself without a cell phone and without knowing where my crew was. I've lost weight, I've gained it back, but I lost my shame, which is infinitely more important, and I've gained the certainty that weight loss is actually something that I'm capable of - pretty easily actually when I put my mind to it. I learned to speak like a rolla, a cachaca, like someone from the city of Bogotá. Going from pure embarrassment in speaking, to getting myself registered with the social security service, getting my health insurance setup, applying for a pension plan, and a million other things that normal people do when they get their life together - all in spanish. I don't care anymore, I know I still don't speak it perfectly, but it won't ever stop me again from saying what is on my mind.
I've been kicked in the face and had to get stitches, a first for me (both the kick and the stitches), and gone back to train capoeira 2 days after my accident. I've had my eyes opened. Sometimes I still cry from the overwhelming emotion of being able to see the world with my own two eyes and no aid from glasses or contact lenses. Laser eye surgery, which I was terrified of, was one of the biggest blessings I received this year. I've lost touch with people, I've made new friends here in Colombia - a whole bunch in fact. But curiously, being away from VA brought me closer to people I vaguely knew there before, or hadn't met at all. Unbelievably, I can think of a couple people off the bat that I have grown so close to that it's hard to believe I may have met them only once in my life for 2 hours on a random Friday or I haven't seen them in over a year + and didn't really see them much before.
2010 brought my grandparents back to me. All 4 of them have been sick in some way shape or form, but they have each come back to me. Epa was in the hospital at least 4 times with respiratory issues, and it was scary and jolting to see him so weak. But God saw fit to give him his health back and continue to be a rock for the family. Arturo was on the brink of death, not 20 days ago. Laid up in a hospital bed, sure that he was going to pass. But in moments like that is when you see the calibre of your family - all his children came to Colombia to show him that they care and that they would be there for whatever, no matter the cost. On Dec. 23rd he celebrated his 87th birthday, and danced merengue with me. My God is a good god, He allowed my grandfather to return to us, and give this life another shot. My grandmothers, though not nearly as sick, have both dealt with their fair share of pain. I simply give thanks for the year 2010 because it gave me the opportunity to support my family and get to know a set of people who were, in some ways, complete strangers to me.
2010 was the year that brought my faith back. God brought me through 7 plus years of silly unnecessary drama, just to show me that in the end He has so much more planned for my life. I know now that there is life beyond. 2010 was like discovering a new planet - you think you already know all that is out there, and then you discover this new place and see that things you never even imagined exist beyond the walls you built up around you.
God is good, and I can't wait to see what lies ahead in my path, the one he has given me. I have aspirations, I have new dreams, new goals, and a new attitude. Even if things don't work out they way I would like them to I will be happy knowing that He's got it under control and the reason for disappointment is a good one.
2010 brought me back to Earth, back to this life, back to the open possibility of a wonderful new future.
2011 will be so much more than that. 2011 is my life, brought back to me and ready to be lived and lived well. I can't wait.
So to all of you, I just want to wish you a happy and prosperous 2011, and to remind you that no matter what you are going through or have been through - there is always more out there for you. Life goes on, you just have to know how to look for it and take a crazy chance on it. Know to love yourself, be the change that you are looking for, nobody else can make you happy because happiness comes from your own soul.
You have one life, live every day with a purpose, and remember to enjoy life as you are getting to where you want to go. If you always live for tomorrow, you will never appreciate today, and when you get to tomorrow you will be left disappointed. So...
Even if I never talk to you, have never talked to you or will never talk to you, I pray with all the fervor and heat of my heart that you will know that you are amazing and unique and you made an impact this year. I love you, whoever you are. Thank you for being part of this world.
HAPPY NEW YEAR 2011!!!!
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